Vieira rubbishes Blues links

Patrick Vieira has today denied rumours claiming he was to join Midlands outfit Birmingham City. Speaking from his villa outside Milan, the 33-year old midfielder was quick to play down growing talk of a move to St. Andrews.

"Primarily I am footballer, rather than a clown or a pig. I am one of the most capped French midfielders of all time," snorted the former Arsenal captain.

Viera continued, "I have played in a team which has won the World Cup. Arsenal fans rank me the fifth greatest player in their history. It has never been my ambition to play relegation football in the mud for a grubby club with a crappy stadium."

The Frenchman stressed his view that he has at least two seasons of top class football left in his legs, and that he had instructed his agent to seek a two to three year contract at a top quality club.

"I believe I still have the ability and experience to play regular first team football for a top club in Serie A, La Liga or the Premier League. The problem with Birmingham City, apart from being shit and having supporters who smell like llamas, is that next season they will be playing against Colchester United and the Milton Keynes Dons. I think I have a bit more to offer than that" finished the World Cup winner.

Reports suggest that Vieira, who remains well-connected in his birthplace Dakar, has nevertheless offered to put City scouts in touch with some of the up-and-coming players in Senegal's Division Four.